i just had sex bonerless
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
