I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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