I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
