thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
