And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
