haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
