i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
