take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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