No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
