Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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