You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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