The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
