dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
