I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
