Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
