In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
