Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
