her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
