I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
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I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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