Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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