Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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