Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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