Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
