she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
