Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
