so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
