wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
