apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
