theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
