The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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