she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
