woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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