The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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