I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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