I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
