Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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