also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
