dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
