Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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