I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
