so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Vodka?
Forever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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