Please don't use social media to get back at me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
