the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
