Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
