he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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