you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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