No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
