i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
