the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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