You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
