I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
