My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
