I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
