So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love having hate sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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