oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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