Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
