this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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