Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
