Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
