Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
