I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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