Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
