I accidentally had phone sex last night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
