At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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