i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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