I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
