we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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