i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
