I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
