i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
