Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
