i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
