She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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