bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
