you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My penis needs a shock collar
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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