You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
