After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
